profile
they think im crayzee
Lala&Pessimist
Lala
190296.
Proud member of VJ Choir (ALTO!)
Pessimist
080796.
The Meridian Stage.
Haig Girls School o8'
Cedar Girls Secondary.
Cedar Choir.
Victoria Junior College (Lala)
Meridian Junior College (Pessimist)
Lala
Music
Paramore
Lupe Fiasco
The Icarus Account
KT Tunstall
Guitars.
Pessimist
Writing
Reading
Running
Poetry
Pierce The Veil
Paramore
Wants!
LAST
UPDATED:26.05.2013
Lala's Wishes :
Watch That Perfect Sunset
Spend more time on my music
Loads of Freddo & Timeout chocolateee!! (:
Own a pet Snow Leopard
Pessimist's Wishes :
Survive 2013
Write more
Become a penguin
I tried.
Tuesday, July 09, 2013 @ 10:52 PM
I guess this would be my explanation. I have been planning to write this since last Saturday but I never got to use the computer and using my phone just annoys me to no end.
Just to make things crystal clear, I don't hate you Lidiya. I'm not even mad at you. The entire time this was playing out I only thought of 'See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil.' Because all the things you were saying about Brenda hurt me. I pretended it didn't exist and refused to reply to whatever you said out of fear that I would say something I would later regret but mostly because it hurt. There is just too much pain. It sucks because I told you that I never want to hear about your feelings toward Brenda.
That last day we walked home together I was being honest to the point of tears, that it fucking sucks that my two favourite people in the world cannot see eye to eye anymore, but I would get over it as long as you didn't mention it to me or say that I was picking sides. I never picked a side. No one is more important than the other and asking me to choose is like me asking you to choose which parent you would save if ever it came down to it. So all those hurtful words... It was disregard for your promise and it was also a way of saying that you do not trust me enough or know me well enough to think that I could ever be stolen by someone or turned against someone out of my own free will.
With that being said, I miss you. I've known you practically since birth and although we've never gotten along that well from the get go, we learned how to. We sniped and fought and hurt each other but all those times we also made up. The last two years in Cedar was spent with you right there beside me. I thought break ups were bad but breaking up with a friend is way worse.
I feel responsible for all that has happened between you and Brenda, I am not even sure why but I do. Again, bringing in the parents thing, I compared your falling out to a divorce with me being caught in the middle. I tried to fix you two, I listened to both sides, I wracked my brains with possible solutions because I could not fathom you two being against each other because you've always been beside me. But in life, things do not turn out how you expect them to. Just look at where we are now.
History is starting to repeat itself because my MJ friends are fighting and there is tension and I am once again, caught in the whirlwind of it all. I'm not sure what to do because fighting for things didn't work, standing to one side and praying everything will fall into place didn't work either and what good does crying do? I guess I just have to take things as they come and try to tell myself that I am in no way responsible, that my other friends are still here for me and life will go on.
I hope your life is good right now. Do take care.
Labels: Pessimist