profile
they think im crayzee
Lala&Pessimist
Lala
190296.
Proud member of VJ Choir (ALTO!)
Pessimist
080796.
The Meridian Stage.
Haig Girls School o8'
Cedar Girls Secondary.
Cedar Choir.
Victoria Junior College (Lala)
Meridian Junior College (Pessimist)
Lala
Music
Paramore
Lupe Fiasco
The Icarus Account
KT Tunstall
Guitars.
Pessimist
Writing
Reading
Running
Poetry
Pierce The Veil
Paramore
Wants!
LAST
UPDATED:26.05.2013
Lala's Wishes :
Watch That Perfect Sunset
Spend more time on my music
Loads of Freddo & Timeout chocolateee!! (:
Own a pet Snow Leopard
Pessimist's Wishes :
Survive 2013
Write more
Become a penguin
Thoughts.
Monday, September 02, 2013 @ 11:16 PM
I don't know exactly why I am writing a post but I guess it's because I have no idea what to feel about everything. You left the group again and without an explanation and I know you said sorry but what exactly are you apologising for? I thought you could tell me everything and I thought I could do the same. But this year has proved that life isn't all that simple and honestly I thought I had lost you. Then you came back and I had some hope (I always had hope.) that things would go back to normal.
Except that I don't know you anymore.
You said yourself, who you are now has nothing to do with the past. Things change, I get it, I have too. I want to understand what you are going through yet every time I try I hit a dead end. Distance puts strain on a relationship. Maybe it's me for not being someone who can take the initiative, or keep up a long distance communications thing. Maybe it's because I've learnt to live with silence, so much so that it sounds better than noise now. I forget that silence doesn't say anything it just is. Passive. Stagnant. Existing. All those times I kept quiet for fear of saying something I would regret ended up turning into something ambiguous and difficult to interpret. You probably thought I was choosing to ignore. I was silent because I had nothing to say, only resigned acceptance.
I could live my whole life not understanding whatever it is you're going through. That's the beauty and horror of a human life, the connections are there or they are not. Feelings on the other hand, something you deal within yourself, cannot be denied. I still care about your well-being. Just that now I will have to care from a distance. I have my own life to worry about. I hope you remember that I have my own set of problems that are mine to deal with. Sometimes you overlook that. Sure it may seem like I have other friends to lean on, other issues that I don't share with you but those separate experiences have their separate problems. After a good portion of our 16 years alive spent in constant proximity the sudden gulf in between is something to get used to.
I guess that's most of what I feel like saying. Only one more bit about how I am trying to be a better version of myself and surrounding myself with positive energy, with motivation and inspiration and being kind to myself and others. Adopting a learning attitude that focuses on gaining knowledge and sharing it whilst being fair and humble. Keeping my thoughts to myself except when I am ignorant. I am prioritising my health and well-being. At times your negative energy is in direct contrast with this and I will step away. That's why I feel like caring from a distance is also a good idea.
Hope all is well for you.
Labels: Pessimist